I’ve always wanted to be a writer for Saturday Night Live, but somewhere along the way I decided it would be fun to become an attorney instead. First, define “fun”. Second, it didn’t really happen that way. I was lost and driving through the streets of South Philly when I went the wrong way down … Continue reading Ode to SNL (or “My Shameless Attempt to Score Tickets”)
Editor’s Note: This article was originally posted in September 2016
Ahh, Autumn. The September sun is plentiful, the air is crisp and the leaves are just starting to fall. There is no better time to go Apple picking – and I’m not talking about the forbidden fruit that grows on trees. No, I am talking about the kind that’s sold in large, sterile white retail stores in small, sterile white boxes.
Tomorrow, Apple will release the long-awaited newest version of its popular smartphone, the iPhone 6. Millions of people around the globe started getting in line weeks ago in order to buy the coveted phone when it goes on sale September 19, because apparently on September 20 anyone without an iPhone 6 will violently implode. Or at least that’s what my teenager tells me.Continue reading “Apple of My i”
Listen, I’ve tried. I really have. I’ve given it my all, but it just doesn’t work for me. No matter how many Tasty videos I watch, it just brings me back to my one real truth. I hate cooking. There, I’ve said it—Sisterhood of the Traveling Apron be damned. I know this immediately renders me … Continue reading Dinner Roulette
Well, it’s here – the moment I’ve been dreading all summer. My annual quest for a bathing suit has officially begun. I know it’s June. I know some of you bought your suits back in January. You’re probably wondering what rock I crawled out from under, and rightly so. So I’ll tell you. My rock … Continue reading Bathing Suit Shopping Part One – Sing, Ariel, Sing!
Before I headed to the mall for the annual sacrificing of my self-esteem, I consulted my trusted periodical, You’re Kidding Me, Right? If yo don’t know, this is Cosmopolitan’s older sister magazine published specifically for the fortyish crowd. Only in this publication, fashion advice has succumbed to sternly issued warnings designed to keep readers from … Continue reading Bathing Suit Shopping Part Two: What Not To Dare
So reckoning day is finally here, and I head for the nearest department store most likely to carry camping equipment in case all the larger sizes are taken and I’m reduced to trying on actual tents. The first thing I notice when I enter the Department of Doom is that only two sizes remain on … Continue reading Bathing Suit Shopping, Part Three: Lycra Or Not, The Time Has Come
Editor’s Note: this post was originally published on November 8, 2013. In today’s episode of “Who’s In the Hot Seat”, let us turn our attention to LuLuLemon, designer of active wear for (almost) every woman. People are getting their yoga pants in a bunch over co-founder Chip Wilson’s comment that the clothing line “doesn’t work … Continue reading When Life Hands You LuLuLemons…
The following is a real phone conversation I had at work today. Snarky Senior Associate: “Hey, why aren’t you in the conference room? Me: “Umm, because I’m at my desk?” SSA: “You’re late for the meeting.” Me: “What meeting?” SSA: “The meeting Dave emailed us about.” Me: “I thought it was at 3:00!” SSA: “It … Continue reading And Now, We Interrupt This Work Day With….Yet Another Meeting
Being a parent means having to develop new skill sets, from learning how to change a diaper in the wee hours of the morning to learning how to change your teen’s passwords so they can’t text in the wee hours of the morning. In order to enjoy every moment of the terrible twos to the terrifying teens, you must constantly update your vocabulary and expand your understanding of words and phrases. Failure to do so could result in bodily harm, missed opportunities for sincere discussion or worse – embarrassing yourself in front of your teen’s friends and becoming the subject of slander in social media venues. Which is fine, really – because you’ll never understand the acronyms or know how to use the social media to begin with so you’ll never know what they’re saying about you. And know by the time you do figure out how to use that form of media, it will already have become as obsolete as Facebands and Silly Book (or is it Silly Bands and Facebook? I can never remember.) Continue reading “How To Speak Parent (From Pregnancy to Teens and everything ‘Tween)”